It will get better

It will get better

In my teenage years, I was mostly depressed. It felt like it would never end and I couldn’t imagine life any different. I felt hopeless. Now that I’m a lot older, I can see that there was so much in front of me that would make my life better. So this is for all the teenagers out there, and for everyone who feels like this. Because it’s not as hopeless as it seems.

My teenage years

When I was 14, I was severely depressed. I just wanted to sleep all the time. Waking up was the worst part of the day, knowing I had an entire day in front of me and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. At this point, a few things were going on; I wasn’t too happy at home, I got bullied every day at school, I was very shy and defending myself wasn’t something I was good at. And it would take forever before I would be a grown up. I was facing years and years of this shit.

And this turned out to be true. It would take years before something would change. But it’s worth the wait. Looking back, I’m not sure if I could have done anything differently. If I could go back in time, I would tell my asshole bullies to shut the fuck up. And I would tell myself that it’s not going to be like this forever. But well, I can’t go back in time. I can, however, spread the word.

The shitty stuff

I developed speech anxiety when I was 15, which made things even worse. It made me even shyer and afraid to open up my mouth. I transferred to another high school in this year, hoping things would change. But they didn’t, and now I was out of other options. Combining school with learning was hard. I didn’t have much brain waves left to spend on learning. I doubled my fourth year because of my bad grades. So, high school was now going to take even longer! I was afraid to go to school, afraid to talk, afraid to exist. I was utterly lonely and sad all the time. And it’s a hard phase for everyone; a teenager’s brain goes through a lot. There is a reason why teenagers are often a pain in the ass; certain parts of their brain are developing, which sets all kinds of emotional processes in motion. Being a teenager sucks and being depressed sucks. But being both is a disaster.

But one day, high school came to an end. This part was over and a next one started. And a lot of parts after this were hard as well. But somehow, everything that comes on your path gives you roots. And every experience leads to another.

 

Kid climbing stairs

The cool stuff

So this is what awaits after high school.

You might get your driver’s license. This gives you much more freedom and makes you much more independent. You will earn money, probably enough to get your own place. And I’m telling you: having your own place is magic! You can watch tv, and eat and sleep whenever you want. You can do whatever you want. Eat pizza 5 times in a row if you like. Your life just becomes much more yours, which means less influences of others. And this is a good thing, even if you come from the most perfect family; you are meant to develop your own identity, and to find out who you are and what you like.

So now you have a home. And maybe a cat or a dog. And you will meet new people; normal people you can connect with. And one day, you’ll probably find a person that will make you extremely happy. Before I was 20, I hadn’t been in love, ever. If you haven’t been either, brace yourself, because you have no idea what it’s like.

Maybe it will never get easy. But after high school and college, the world is open. You are out of the grip of what you can’t control.

I am now 33 years old, and I think I’m slowly becoming who I am meant to be. And trust me: getting older will do you good.


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