So I’ll begin tomorrow and I’m fricking dying. I think this is a great opportunity to write about how pants shitting scared I am. There is no perfect recipe on overcoming fear, but it kind of works the same for everything you are scared of. There is only one way out: right through it. In my previous post I wrote about my new job that landed on my plate, faster than I could process.
In this post I wrote about fears and why we have them. So why am I so scared? Because I’m terrified I will fail big time. All my colleagues are super nice and everyone says it’s ok to struggle, but I’m still sooper scared. I’m scared the kids will not listen to me and I’m afraid I will not be a good teacher. I’m afraid their test results will be worse now that they have me. It’s useless to think this way but I can’t help it.
Fears are terrible. They can control our lives. I had planned to go back to being a teacher if my blog wouldn’t work out. But now that I had the perfect opportunity to do it in a way that couldn’t be easier, I freaked out and I almost didn’t do it. I really didn’t want to, but only because I was scared. Which is a sad reason to not do something.
How can I tell you guys to just learn something new and accept failure and not do it myself? I can’t. So I’ll be a proud teacher tomorrow, and I’ll keep this in mind:
- It doesn’t have to be perfect. No one expects me to be perfect.
- Failure will teach me something everytime it happens.
- These kids have been lovely the last 2 days, and they obviously like me already.
- I’m not the same person as I was 10 years ago, so my ten-year-old fears are powerless.
- Everyone is nice and wants to help me.
- Everyone is super glad I can cover this group of kids, no matter what happens.
- In case everything will be a complete nightmare, I can quit this job.
- Whatever happens, it doesn’t define me.
I keep thinking that I’d be all comfy and relaxed right now if I had just said no. It would be a normal day tomorrow with tea and watercolor paint. But I didn’t say no. Because if I had, I wouldn’t have done it ever again. And I would never know how it would turn out. And maybe, just maybe, this will be the best choice I’ve ever made.
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